Will you trust me?

Well the week is finally coming to an end….its been a difficult week. A week where I question God and his plans. Saturday night my friend christian died in a car accident. it was a devastating blow, he didn’t know the Lord. Did I fail? Was I the only one who could’ve shared truth with Him and didn’t? Then On Sunday My dear friend Nancy was also in a car accident and died. Why? Nancy did nothing But serve the Lord, with everyone she came into contact with she gave them Christ! I was close to her and miss her dearly! As I lay awake that night crying, I asked God to help me understand. You know what the answer was? It wasn’t a loud answer, it wasn’t anything I was looking for really. It was “Nikki, do you trust me? When this day is over will you still say I am sovereign?” For two long days and two long sleepless nights I begged God for a different answer….but it never came. That night completely exhausted I started thinking of both my friends. Christian chose to reject God…no matter how many times I could give him truth he made his choice. And Nancy, praise God she knew my savior, I didn’t say good bye because I’ll see her again someday. But she would want her testimony to push me closer to Christ not make me question. (and her love for God was such an encouragement to me, God used it to give me direction for my future, but that’s a God story for another time!) I prayed and asked God to take this pain and turn it into beauty for him…and you know what? He did! On the surface you would never see it, but my relationship with my savior is so much deeper and stronger now I can’t truly explain it. I still don’t understand why my friends are gone, I’m not sure I ever will, but I know My God is sovereign and I trust him fully. We say we are always searching for ourselves and who we are meant to be, each day i spend with my savior I become me….not in myself but in Him!! So while my week was spent with losing friends, many tears shed, and sleepless night I can still say my God is good!

’tis the season

I realized last night its been a while…so here is an update!! I am home on Break! We are given 1 month off which is so nice, but also really hard! at school its easier to live out my faith….but no one promised me it would be easy once I left. Thanksgiving was delicious and relaxing! I managed to snowboard and four-wheel. It made for a good day. I’ve mostly been chillin at home but I know I should be starting school work now. Last night I started thinking about Christmas…what it has become in our culture…in our world today. Now, know this about me….I LOVE Christmas! Its my favorite time of year. I am the girl that listens to Christmas music in July, decorations have to be big, and I drink and read by the light of the tree. My Christmas season starts the day before thanksgiving by watching the movie ‘the Christmas Card’ (super cute, cheesy movie…I recommend watching it!) and listening to the song ‘that’s what Christmas should be” By Hilary Duff (also a recommendation! ok so I listen to it like everyday!) There was once a time when Christmas was about friends and family, a time to just be together and appreciate what God has given you! Today Christmas is so commercialized, its all about the gifts…giving and receiving. and as much as I hate to admit I to fall into this trap. As a christian though, Christmas is a time of celebration. (Duh, its that way for everyone!) We are celebrating not just the birthday of Jesus, but I think we should be celebrating his death on the cross, burial, and resurrection. Because it took his birth to accomplish all of this. He saved my soul, he had to come in flesh and this started Christmas day. I’m not sure that many people, Christians for that matter think of this. Jesus is no longer a baby, he came that night to save us from the sin and depravity of this world…not to be looked at as the “cute little baby”. “Tis the season to be jolly is the phrase. Well it is!! Christ died for me…why wouldn’t I be happy and jolly!!! I have so much to be thankful for!!! So the next time you throw that phrase around….make sure you know its true! Because whatever your situation, we do have a reason to rejoice!

Who cut in?

Galatians 5:7 “you were running a good race, who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?”

During my quiet time today I read this verse and it hit me like brick! I started this year off strong, really striving to serve the Lord and allow his will to be done in my life…what happened, what got in the way? Over the past 2 weeks I have learned that just because I am at bible school does not mean I will constantly want to pursue God with my whole being, it does not mean that everyone Loves the Lord, and it does not mean that being a Christian is easy. filling my head with knowledge has been such a blessing so far, but why am I not applying it to my life? TELLING others what I am learning is awesome, SHOWING them what I have learned is different. In a week and a half I go on Thanksgiving/Christmas break and know that the true test is coming…I’m not going to lie….it scares me a little. Am I strong enough to show my unsaved friends that being a follower of Christ is more then a check list of right and wrong? Can I show them the way Christ has changed my life? Can I show my Family its ok to talk about your faith? Can I show them that you can let your passion for Christ abound? Will I strive to follow Christ in HIS strength and not my own? I pray that the Lord will continue to give me the desire to serve Him and boldly stand out for Him!!

Roommate

One of my roommates left this morning. She heading out to use her beautiful voice for the Lord. We have only shared the same room for 2 months but it seriously feels like forever. Last night as we helped her pack she sat down in her chair and just stopped. When I asked her what was wrong she replied, “I think I’m going to puke. You get use to something, you start trusting people and in a moment it will be gone. I Know it’s not forever but still…” I think back on her words and it’s so true. We all knew coming to college that it wasn’t forever, that one day we would all go our separate ways yet it still feels like you are losing a family members. She has an amazing opportunity in this trip though and I am proud of her! But of course she and I being so similar crazy, a little too loud, and good friends we have decided that for each day we are apart we are going to write one word. The story behind that is this. I joking around said girl you better write me everyday, but you probably won’t have time. She said I’ll probably write you one word…so day one starts today…the first word I chose is sister. Because where ever we go whether in life or over break we will forever be sisters!

Satisfied in what?

Psalm 63
5) My soul will be satisfied as with the riches foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.6) On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of night.7) Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.8) My soul clings to you; your right hand will uphold me.
This is the passage of scripture my DC (or as we call her dorm mom) used in our weekly devotionals. I wanted to first share with you her main points and then share what the Lord taught me through this passage.
This is the outline I made for her devo.
When we pursue anything/one other than God I will be dissatisfied. (Vs 5)
We will be satisfied in God when….
1) I remember Him on my bed…remember God (Vs. 6a)
-Remember God’s faithfulness
2) I meditate on Him in the night watches….meditate on God (Vs. 6b)
-Listen and trust God
3) Recognize God’s help (Vs. 7a)
-How has God helped me today throughout life
4) Seek protection from God’s wings (Vs. 7b)
-Wait for God’s timing and will
5) Choose to cling to God (Vs. 8a)
-God loves me and is with me
6) Rest in God’s hands (Vs. 8b)
-Grasp God and he will uphold me.

All of this at one time to me seemed so basic, at one time I would have said sure…I know all of that. But for some reason hearing it fresh I saw this in a whole new light. The thoughts running through my head went something like this: When is the last time I just sat and listen to God? Why am I just reading his word to read? Do you even know what meditation looks like? Look at what God has brought you out of….stop being afraid to let go and trust him! You always have to be strong, you’re afraid of letting you guard down, let God protect you. Cling to Him, he is upholding you. Even if you feel like you are drowning he’s not going to turn his back and walk away…he’ll reach in a grab you. So what are you afraid of? Stop running!
(I assure you they went a lot faster and not so coherent.)
But I realized, God has brought me through so much…so why after coming out of that was I thinking he would/could let go now? I know he won’t and for that I am so thankful. Because lately I’ve kind of lost sight of God but I know he never once lost sight of me. He satisfied my soul why would I continue to look elsewhere?

The bubble

Someone once told me that college would be the best years of my life…..somehow it’s not all they said it would be. Don’t get me wrong I love school and digging into God’s word while sitting under some of the greatest theologians…but college is not real life. You are kept in this bubble….a very tight bubble. And true interaction with the “real” world is non-existent. I feel like it was just the other day but I know it was about two weeks ago…. one of my professors asked “how many of you know what’s happening in the world, or even your town”? Only a handful of students could raise their hands. To me that was somewhat upsetting. I’ll admit…I am not the best at keeping up on the news…..but I feel I have a pretty good grasp on what’s happening. For me its because I hate being out of the loop. Even though any college isn’t real life I especially feel bible school is FAR from real life. I guess this hit me when a young woman I had gotten to know over the past few weeks came to me with a problem….and me who enjoys helping people work out hard situation was all ears…but what she said was heartbreaking…..I don’t believe in Jesus, I am not saved. It hit me like a ton of bricks…..another friend unsaved, another girl from my generation not wanting anything to do with the Lord. This problem I can do nothing about accept give her Christ and pray! What does this have to do with being in a bubble….I started to get comfortable…started to feel normal when God said remember this isn’t life….there are still people in your midst that need me…will you tell them? Will you help them? Helping does not mean I can save them…helping means being there when they fall and being there ready to share when they call. I’m not saying pop the bubble…..lets make it bigger.

Will you trust me?

Prayer has always been a struggle for me….why? That’s the hard part. I hadn’t really understood myself. I first tried to convince myself it was because I couldn’t see God, then because I just didn’t know how to pray. Could God really hear me? Sure, His word is full of promises that he hears and that he already knows, but that never really helped me. I began this quest to understand when I was 16 finally 2 years later I think I am beginning to grasp the power of prayer ( I said grasp not understand). I wanted to see the power of prayer in action…not just prayer for the sick and they received healing (amazing by the way!) but I had always used the excuse we have such a modern medical field today why wouldn’t they heal. Even cancer patient when I prayed had I seen go into remission (this happened to a close friend Praise the Lord!) Not Just safe travel (a wise decision to pray before leaving though) only to assume that you would arrive safely. The point in all of this is that all these things are great to pray for but today I think we just throw them aside as of course things are going to end well rather then I need to completely trust God. This Past weekend while sharing the the Gospel in the streets of NYC God showed me the power of prayer in action and what trusting him truly is. My passion is for the youth of this nation my prayer request “God Please, send teen girls my way.” The first night every single person I talked to….a teenage girl. Coincidence….so you could argue this point. The most amazing part (which brought me to tears.) There would be gaps (2 specific times come to mind as I write this part.) while in NYC when I hadn’t talked to anyone for 15-20 minutes. My prayers request “God, If you want me to give the good news of you put them right there by that street light.” The answer? 5 Minutes later “hey, over by that street light….give the gospel to her”. Why did I pick a very specific spot….I don’t know. What God showed me was….there isn’t a specific way to pray or way not to pray…I don’t have to fully understand…I need to pray inside HIS will for HIS glory. Prayer isn’t a list to Santa Clause…it’s a conversation. But It can’t be a one sided conversation either. I was doing both the list and being one sided. God was saying…sit and listen to me…my will be done. Judges 7: 2-8 is a perfect example of my prayers life. Joshua had to many men. Joshua wanted to know everything rather than rely on God. But God said I don’t need this many to accomplish my will. He chose to use Joshua to accomplish his will. God doesn’t need me to pray to accomplish his will….he wants me to pray to learn to trust Him.

NYC

I got back from New York City last night after a weekend of sharing Christ with people on the street. It definitely was an amazing experience. The team of people I worked with was placed together by God….over 20 people accepted Christ this weekend. On the bus ride to NYC I was praying like crazy….prayer has always been hard for me. I knew God was there but I never felt the power. This weekend God showed me this power. One thing I specifically prayed for was to be able to talk to teen girls….this is my passion. Friday night all 6 people i talked to were teen girls and all wanted to know. None of them made professions a faith but I know the seed of God’s word was planted….and his word will not return void. The first young lady I talked to was an atheist…of course God didn’t start me out easy. But she was seeking truth….truth she knew existed but was convinced it didn’t exist in God. the next three girls I talked to were Catholic. Catholics are challenging because they do know the bible but many don’t understand that you can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I hope and pray that I stressed this enough to them….but of course I know that God is still holding them in his hands. Saturday We went to the bronx….that was a bit intimidating to say the least. But with Christ strength I was able to carry on conversations with more people.
It was also nice to get to know new people I am attending school with and get to know some better then I already do. Some people are not always who they try to come acrossed as…get them alone and have a one-on-one conversation and you see their heart. This happened to me over lunch. This young man will have to rely on God and not people some day but I was encouraged to see his desire to serve and obey God.
It was a great weekend and I hope to do this again. To God be ALL the glory.

Well, I haven’t been updating like I have wanted. But its been a crazy week. Just finished studying acts…My favorite book of the bible!! It was so good to put some things together that I had never thought of.
I have been studying like crazy this week. Slowly learning that my study skills from high school aren’t working for one of my classes in college…go figure!! It was a good weekend though….it was good to go home for a day!! I brought back some of Mommy’s mash potatoes!! My roomies loved me! I also received a care package from good friends…Brownies, rice crispy treats, star burst! I could keep going but I won’t. Well, I’m off to do more studying…Exam and quiz tomorrow…fingers crossed!!

Need I say more?

A friend of mine sent this to me….and my own commentary won’t do it justice. It is suffice to say that my faith needs to be lived out more. People its a life or death situation…..literally.
A Letter from an Atheist to a Christian

To the Christian,
You are really convinced that you’ve got all the answers. You’ve really got yourself
tricked into believing that you’re 100% right. Well, let me tell you just one thing. Do you
consider yourself to be compassionate of other humans? If you’re right, as you say you
are, and believe that, then how can you sleep at night? When you speak with me you are
speaking with someone who you believe is walking directly into eternal damnation into
an endless onslaught of horrendous pain which your ‘loving’ god created, yet you stand by
and do nothing.
If you believe one bit that thousands every day were falling into an eternal and
unreachable fate, you should be running the streets mad with rage at their blindness.
That’s equivalent to standing on a street corner and watching every person that passes you
walk blindly directly into the path of a bus and die, yet you stand idly by and do nothing.
You’re just twiddling your thumbs, happy in the knowledge that one day that ‘walk’ signal
will shine your way across the road.
Think about it. Imagine the horrors Hell must have in store if the Bible is true. You’re just
going to allow that to happen and not care about saving anyone but yourself? If you’re
right then you’re an uncaring, unemotional and purely selfish individual that has no right
to talk about subjects such as love and caring.
James Franz

That is the only time an Atheist is correct.

Jesus told all of his disciples to look for and save the lost. He speaks directly about hell
and also in the parables.
“Gather the tares and burn them” – Matthew 13
What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the
ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he finds it?
– Luke 15
Jesus said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
– Mark 16:15
Why do you call me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say? – Luke 6

But I will forewarn you whom you shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath
power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him. – Luke 12